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Dear Parents of Children Newly Diagnosed with Autism and those who have been on this journey for a while already,
It is hard. You need time to process your life will be different than you had imagined. People will say things that are hard to hear. It is the nature of this world we live in. You will be tired. You will hear that you need to give yourself a break. I want you to know that it will be hard to do so. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel worn out. It's okay to be REAL! It's okay to wish that it wasn't so hard. It's okay to cry about the challenges your children face and will have to face. So much emphasis is put on "Autism being a superpower." You will find people who reference famous people in the past and present that are autistic and have done amazing things and how your child could be the “next Einstein.” They are trying to comfort you somehow in their own way. What they don't get is how it actually feels to stand in your shoes. And that is okay. So, feel the feelings. Allow them. Allow yourself to be okay with feeling that it's not a superpower. IT'S HARD! There will be sad tears. There will be a sense of loss.
But... move forward. Remember that your children are the same children before autism was recognized or diagnosed. They are still those smiling, giggling, babies with eye contact. It’s just hidden inside somewhere right now. Celebrate the small steps. Know that once you jump a hurdle, you might find yourself needing to jump that same hurdle again because of regression. Know that it's okay. Know that no matter what anyone else who is not in your own shoes... not even me whose children are both autistic... understands your particular circumstances. It is not all the same. Take the time to look at your children and see them for them, not for autism. Let them be kids. They will work so hard as they grow. Our kids work so hard, harder than many neurotypical kids. Let them stim. It is their way of self-regulation. Try to find a balance. Don't be worried about what others think. Tell them "My child is autistic." Be yourself. Don't try to be a superhuman. None of us is perfect. We will have times when we do the wrong thing. Don't beat yourselves up. Learn from that and move on.
Above all else, just love. Love conquers all. They will feel that and they will place their trust in you. You will not let them down. Tell them they will not walk alone; you will be with them. I promise you; you will NOT let them down.
Sincerely,
Shaunna Danielle (Mama of Emma, Age 9 & Wyatt, Age 6)
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