Mine

Mine

Say anything at all

But don’t sit silent

My heart is screaming

But I can’t make the words out

I know what the feeling feels

I have mouths speaking around me

A million thoughts and words

Their wisdom in the world they know

And they think they know

My heart feels what I know

I am blessed and cursed

Because I feel

And I wish I knew how to feel

Daily one way or the other

About everything and anything

The one thing constant is them

I was born for this

It is all that is certain and all that

Is also uncertain

My heart feels it all

The tears that fall in the dark

Fall in the dark because

That’s their safe place

The place I don’t have to explain them

Who must live a life where even

A hope is uncertain

Where optimism is marred

By realism…or something

When every single second counts

Where dreams die and are reborn

The tears that hit the floor

Symbolic of letting go

I hold his little face

And for one moment he sees

He sees my eyes, I am mama

His giggles drown out my fear

I wish I could keep him in this place

I want to hear him giggle forever

I want to let him be just beautiful

I want him to never be hurt

I hold her face

She is so grown up

And still so little

So many times I wish I could go back

To hear again her giggle

Without the weight of the world

She now feels

It’s only begun…

And it’s already too much

Why must it be this way

Every decision so heavy, weighty

The things known always remain the same

And so much lies ahead

Don’t tell me what is needed

I sit in silence every night contemplating

The day, the day tomorrow

The day beyond tomorrow

Everyday I’d give anything

To have them feel no pain

To take it myself

My decisions for them betray no

Selfish motive

For if I could change the world, I would

In every decision, I’ve given a piece

Of my heart away

Life shortened

It is not light, tears have been shed

In the dark

It’s mine, and only mine to make

So say anything

Say anything at all

But don’t sit silent

I’ve sat silent nights upon end

This is what I was born for

They are mine

I am silent no more.

add text.